Diary of a Broken Heart

“Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it and life always makes more.” - Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

Dear Diary,

i don’t know where to start. all i know is that i want to write about how i feel. i need a medium to let this out and i don’t want to bore my friends listening about my pathetic life.

i am in deep pain. only three people on earth knows exactly how i am right now. my TL, joyce and marvin. i keep avoiding this topic because i hate to seek other people’s advice on love. and i hate them see me all wounded. my heart is so heavy, but still amazingly beating. i tried to go out with friends, but at the end of the night, the truth remains the same: he’s gone. it feels so abnormal, i’m still shivering at the thought. i have already cried buckets in the arms of my friends, but i know deep down that it’s still his arms that i want. but it’s not that easy. the accusations are too much to handle, the love is not healthy, there is no trust and the differences are irreconcilable. i don’t know if i can still look at him in the eye with the same feelings as before. working at the same workplace as he is gets different as time goes by, and seeing him is like stabbing my heart countless times.

my boss told me he admires me for carrying my problems well, and he’s right. i’m not the kind of girl who mope in front of people, i guess that’s because i’m easily distracted. i’m taking this pain in a manner that most brokenhearted can’t. i bet most people who are in the same pain as i am wouldn’t have the courage to write just like what i’m doing right now. how do i manage? well for one thing, i’m writing right now with loud RnB songs at the background (thank you usher and lil wayne).

i am not fine. but i will be. i accept that there is no shortcut and no other way but to deal with it. this is something i got over with before, and i am positive that my heart and soul will heal again on its own. my sanity is still intact and under no circumstances will i let it out of control. i am a smart girl. the day will come when i can smile to myself because i succeeded. again.

the soon-to-be-happy-heart,
kat